


Could and Would are Worlds Away

by aruarudayo



Category: Hyouka & Kotenbu Series
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, musings of some sort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 02:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aruarudayo/pseuds/aruarudayo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mayaka believes in the power of love, but she isn't sure just how much. [Constructing Dolls side story; Mayaka-centric]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Could and Would are Worlds Away

**Author's Note:**

> This side story--well, it's more of a character study--takes place in Constructing Dolls, even of it takes a little while to understand that. I didn't really want to make this into a series though because this is at best a drabble and I couldn't make it a chapter in CD because it's a different POV and talks about events that have already happened. 
> 
> Besides, if we're being honest, this is just incredibly self-indulgent. nothing more, nothing less. I'm posting partially because I feel bad letting CD sit for a year, and I don't have anything to really show for it. School has been kicking my butt for a while and I didn't focus on it during the summer, and I broke my collarbone, so all that combined has made for no new chapter for quite some time. Sorry about that, but at least I can give you guys this.

She knew that Houtarou loved Satoshi. She wasn't entirely sure what kind of love, but she knew. 

Sometimes they treated each other like they treated her, making her grateful that she could have an equal relationship with them, even if she wanted a little more from Satoshi. Other times, she looked at the two of them and felt like they were related, even though they couldn't be more different in both personality and appearance. 

Still other times, she wondered if they were dating.

Once, in middle school, when she had first come to terms with her feelings for him, she had, as casually as possible, asked Satoshi about his sexual orientation.

"It really doesn't matter, does it?" he had responded. "I've never thought too hard about it, but you can't really choose who you love. It just happens."

She hadn't been sure if that answer gave her more or less of a chance.

During middle school, she couldn't help but envy Houtarou's relationship with Satoshi, envy the ease with which they spoke. At times she wished she was a boy if only to be closer to the object of her affections. The irrationality of such thoughts made her realize the extent of her obsession with the boy and prompted her to seriously evaluate herself so her feelings wouldn't interfere with her life.

Now, these thoughts seemed so immature.

Now, she didn't scrutinize Houtarou's connection with Satoshi. If anything, she was grateful for it.

Considering how often she watched Satoshi, she constantly berated herself for missing all the signs. That day, in the club room, things had moved in slow motion. They all got up, and then Satoshi was falling. Since she was always hyper aware of him, she had seen his out of place movement, and then his distress became all too clear. 

The second or two it took for Satoshi to hit the ground felt like an hour. Even if Satoshi joked around a lot, she had a feeling that this wasn't a prank, that it was bigger than she could ever imagine. She could have gotten to him, wanted to be there to catch him, but she couldn't move.

Despite the awful feeling in her stomach, she half expected Satoshi to jump back up as soon as he hit the floor. However, he remained crumpled at their feet, while they stood dumbly around. 

Houtarou moved a half second before she did, was at Satoshi's side before she was. In all her years of knowing him, Houtarou never rushed, even in emergencies. Calm and collected, he both fascinated and infuriated her. He couldn't be shaken, while she was so easily moved. Even now, she could do nothing about the tears falling down her face, the blurring of her vision, the hiccups interrupting her attempts to talk to the operator on the phone. All she could do was cry, and, at the sight of Houtarou's hand colored crimson, she could only cry harder. 

She was weak.

She was powerless.

Her gaze shifted momentarily to Houtarou, and suddenly, for that moment, she couldn't breathe. Houtarou's perpetually bored expression had changed; like her, fear and devastation had taken over his eyes, but more lay under the surface. A flash of guilt sped across before quickly being replaced with unabashed worry and concern. Then there was something she couldn't quite place, a fire burning in his eyes, a passion she couldn't pinpoint the source of. It seemed to take over the space around the two boys, making her feel like an intruder.

It wasn't until she tore her eyes away from Houtarou's slouched form that she realized it was love. She had known about Houtarou's connection to Satoshi, but when had it evolved to this extent? She hadn't even known such an overwhelming feeling existed, a love so pure and unconditional that she could never compete with it, even if she wanted to. 

Was this what it meant for two people to be soulmates?

She decided it had to be, and oddly enough, she accepted it without even thinking about it. Houtarou and Satoshi were made for each other; that much was certain. 

Suddenly things didn't seem quite as bleak. Satoshi had Houtarou. Surely the two of them could pull through the darkness around Satoshi's heart, together.

As she sent Houtarou away with the ambulance, Mayaka felt convinced that, though it would be hard, they could all be happy again. Hope should have rested comfortably in her chest.

So why, underneath it all, did she still feel so lost?

Maybe the problem was that, deep down, she didn’t know if love would be enough.


End file.
